Through the sun and rain

Past week has been a ....... one.

Sunday: All seats taken up in church. One family and lots of JPA student from Kolej Teknologi Timur joined us in breaking of bread. And the topic was Assembly and church practice for the hole month of July. The sub-topic was headship and head covering. Fantastic! All praise goes to God. It is a commandment not conviction! And Cog again prove me right and need no more doubt on this matter. A grounded knowledge based speaker, Mr. Chew Eng Huat. I managed to catch him to clarify other issue as well. Then we proceed from there to Dengkil to have farewell lunch. Han fei, a friendly and humble China student will leave us and start his career life. God bless! As soon as I reached my room, I felt exhausted. I was so tempted to my 'bed of roses' but if i do that right after heavy lunch, the consequences is.... So I chat with a friend of my in other land on msn. I had a fruitful and edifying chat with him on msn for the whole of last week. I almost fell asleep at 6 pm where my cg member asked our group out for dinner. There we go, care group dinner. I thanked God for the another fruitful conversation that we managed to have together and encourage one another to be a student of God's word. The time showed 8:25 pm. I have 'Futsal for all' committee meeting at 8:30 pm. So off my cg leader with me to this meeting. This event was not organized by CF but the uni. Immediately after the wu liao meeting has ended, I get back to my room. I was dead tired! When I've finished cleaning up and was about to walk out the toilet. My neighbor who are staying opposite if my room came to stopped me to asked me to teach her some financial homework! Gosh! I have not wash my clothe ans it was 1 am. The FOC tuition ended at 1:45 am. Argh! My eyes could o longer take it anymore! I rushed to pantry area to do my laundry. Finally I fell into a deep deep sleep at 2 am. I have 8 am class everyday!!!

Monday: Classes went on as normal. It was raining so no captain ball. I worked on the video presentation that is supposed to be presented on last day of CF meeting which is 2 weeks away for this period. With my cacat-ed knowledge and newbie in doing such presentation, I finish 80% of it at 1:45 am. My eyes!!!! Sleep~~~~

Tuesday: I missed 8 am class today! My eyes! My body! My brain! Man! 8 am! Guilty! So I turned emo. I flipped the Bible and devotional material. Job 3:26 --> I have no peace, no quietness. I have no rest, but only turmoil. I read and prayed with only a little sunlight that shone in. I asked God to preserve me and to lift me up. So I went off to the next class. I met up with 2 of CF members to discuss further about CF meeting for final week of CF meeting at 6 pm. Thanked God they were helpful people. After bathe time and dinner, I continued with the remaining 20%. Then, a mechanical engineering friend of my ask me a favor to help him in his project-business plan. I agree to help after knowing that I am only required to fill in the figure for the given not fully financial statement. I estimated that i would only need one hour to complete it. When I was about to start doing it, my hand phone message tone alerted me. It was a message from futsal's advisor asking the committee to meet at 10 pm for an emergency meeting. What? Ok, then. I went over wanting to finish up fast. It was just numbering the tag and final instructions for tomorrow. However, the time showed 11.30 pm. No way! I requested to leave. I suddenly came into an 100 meters track and ran as fast as I could to my room. I started filling up the figure in the statement at 11.40 pm or so. I was working hard on it until I realized that I have actually underestimated the time that I need to finish it. I was not sure about certain stuff and so does him. In the end, he said that there is not much time and just do whatever that seems correct. That was the weirdest cash flow that I have ever done in my entire life. After sending over the file to him, some inside thought came to me, ' are you sure you are helping him or killing him?' I stumbled at this thought. Well, I was really tired to even think of the solution. I fell into pig sleep the next moment at 4 am! Nevertheless, I have been given the 'heroine' title after that day. =)

Wednesday: 8 am! Class! Only my physical self was there. I catched up with my sleep whenever there is a break. It was 5 pm. All committee members are supposed to meet there and it ended up 80% of the committee flied kites! I would said that at the beginning the whole thing was at mess. Task was not being delegates well and the event was delayed for 1 hour. I went off to CF half way through it since there was nothing much for me to be done. Continue to be a dummy ? Neh, I'd rather go get spiritual food. How nice to take off and go to CF. I've been blessed during the meeting. After that, I went back to my duty side with a joyful heart. Dinner time! We tabao-ed burger for dinner at 11 pm. Everyone is tired now except for the players. The climax of the tournament was not the match itself but the sudden appearance of officer. She claimed that procedure wasn't properly carried out. Without light, there would be darkness. That was what happening. She gave us time limit up to 12 am. So whether we managed to finish or not, the light will be turn off. And we didn't manage to. Good thing the players were fine with it. Clean up. Reached my room at 1:++. Clean myself up. Sleep~~~

Thursday: I missed 8 am class! Again! NO WAY! This is the last time. I am surrounded by clouds of guiltiness. FFA is still on. But I am only coming in during closing ceremony. We agreed yesterday that those who did not turn up will be on duty today. So I went off to prayer meeting. Later on, 2 of my buddies came along during prayer meeting. They 'skip' for a while as prayer meeting is more edifying rather than sitting by the futsal court and doing nothing. I made new friends. JPA student. Girl. How I wish I am as young as them. Everybody pampers them. Finally, the time come and I have to keep my promise on attending the closing ceremony. I thanked God that today ended early. Miraculously before 12 am! Sleep~~~

Friday: I feel so drain out. I was quiet during cg time, not much contribution from me. I am going home today. The only motivation that keeps my eyes barely open was to get on the bus and sleep. A good Samaritan offered to give me a lift to KTM station. Hmmm.... Not really a lift actually, because they stop by to eat cendol beside KTM. I bid farewell. Here I come terminal 1 ( bus station )at 4.20 pm! I went to transnational counter as usual and I saw the word 'HABIS'. No more ticket for today! I went to look for second company. Same! Oh, man! How to go home? No ticket at all! I felt disappointed and decided to go back inti and come back again tomorrow. Just in time, I heard a guy shouted 'MELAKA! MELAKA! MELAKA!' It's melaka, not merdeka! He said there is spare bus. However, the price is 2 times more expensive than usual! It leaves me no choice expect to pay for that price. The bus will only depart at 6 pm. Where else to go? It is none other than terminal 1 shopping mall. I plan to buy newspaper and find a place to sit. The 'joker' made me walk around the mall and find nothing. I gave up! I went to McDonald to rest and bought an apple pie. Then, sms some friends to kill time and bored-ness. When the time is 5.30 pm, I walk back to the station where I saw my roomie at the entrance. I was so happy that I met someone. The bus came at 6.25 pm, Malaysian timing. Double decker though. 1st time. I was surrounded by men in the bus, as in my sit number. Who cares? I am now dead tired. Sleep~~~ Yahoo!!! Malacca! I have trouble in buying ticket back to seremban now. 90% of the ticket were all sold out. People nowadays rely on public transport? Oil price is the cause? Managed to bought it in the end. Satay celup! Go! Go! GO! Family dinner. I break my own record by eating 18 sticks of satay celup. =) I went back home with a happy mood where my father asked: 'Who wants to eat durian?' I eat some more, at 11 pm. My day ended at 1.30 pm. It has been a long day!

Saturday: Basically I talked the whole day. I decided to go to YP. Since I never attended it for quite sometime. I feel church once again. Still continue talking. Saturday is always a family day. We went to Mahkota Parede to shop for high heels and my father suddenly said: 'You see? Last time I asked you to jump and you don't want to listen. Now have to wear high heel.' I -.-'. I bought a 3 inches high heels and i became from the shortest in my family to the tallest for a few minutes. 50%. One our way back home, it was supper jammed!

Sunday: Never go church today. A few family went to my dearly aunt graveyard to 'put flower'. No emo emo through out the whole thing. We continued by having branch, food was always nice. I went back with sis at 12.30 pm. Here it goes, a new week start and many challenges is awaiting as well.

Despite of everything, I am thankful and grateful that God loves me! =)

* pls ignore all the silly grammar mistake. too long to check through again.

June ( can't think of any suitable title )

"Another semester has gone and I achieved nothing in my studies." That was the thought that crossed my mind. Exam did not go well.

How come? I don't know how to put it into word. And I am speechless when I thought of it.

After exam, the next few days of devotion was one filled with tears. The Word of God was indeed comforting, relieving and alive. Praise God!

Hebrews 4:12

For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to diving soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.

There are a few verses that God has showed specially for me and me only. Most of them are from the book of Hebrews, the book where I used to favor less than other books. Now, it has become a book of encouragement which can lift me up again and restore to God.

This particular verse strike me the most,

Jeremiah 12:5a

" If you have run with the footmen, and they have wearied you, then how can you contend with horses?"

So far, I have been dealing with minor issues ( running ), how will I handle it when the really tough stuff comes ( contending with horses )?

True. There are many years ahead of me where uncertainty is the fundamental issue. The upcoming issue may be one where my faith is required even more.

I may asked God to remove this from me. But His answer may be "Toughen up. Dig in. It may get worse."

I thanked God for giving me this precious word. And also a few repeating sermons and verses, sketch, my care group members, church members and friends to cheer me up.

I just hope that I wouldn't lose heart and fall into apostasy. That would be a terrible episode in my life. A really deep wounded scars in God's heart.

He giveth more grace when the burdens grow greater,
He sendeth more strength when the labor increase;
To added affliction He addeth His mercy,
To multiplied trials, His multiplied peace.

Ever X-acerbate Annoying Man

No updates. Whose fault? Not me of course! It's Ever X-acerbate Annoying Man (EXAM) punya fault!!!

At the initial stage of my revision period, the question that crossed my mind many times, " I've studied. How come can fail, last sem? If this sem, after putting so much of effort and fail again, how? "

Nope. That was just the word of the devil, who is trying very hard to shatter my faith. "Shoo!" I said. "Move it move it move it!" I encouraged myself.

So, the preparation for this war began. This is the 3rd month of day and night spending horrendous yet satisfying moments with my ever thick textbooks, revision kit, notes and past year questions.

Faith.

Having faith doesn't just mean hoping the very best from God, it is also included accepting the not so preferable part and still trust that everything is under His control.

This time round, I will have faith in thee, O God. I leave it unto thy hands. May all the uncertainty is made clear through this exam. ( too personal to type it here about that uncertainty )

Ok, off to study.

Extracted lab report on love

Finish reading a friend's blog......... her level of English overwhelmed me ( I think she beat tse hwei, mind you she is a chinese ed. ) but she posted quite a number of emo blog relating to matter none other than love. *sigh*

After stopping by a few bloggers' blog. I made a conclusion. Perhaps not, a hypothesis instead. I will leave the conclusion part to you.

Findings:
1) Gender: Male and Female
2) Age: 16 to late 20 ( some below 16 )
3) Content of post: Bug by love bugs
4) Feeling: overjoy and oversad

Hypothesis: Most and more youngster are indulging into relationship matter at a much younger age and thus leaving them a major impact in life.

Conclusion: ( Fill in yourself )

Ok, I am done with my lab report. Extracted one. That is why so short. =p

Peoples are getting more and more aware of relationship matter. It's not a bad thing neither it's a good thing. It depends on the subject matter of each situation. It is abstract, can't touch, can't taste, can't smell but can see and hear. Many pals of my age has tasted the sweetness and bitterness of getting into a relationship. I hope they know what they are doing. If it is pure, holy, sincere and genuine one, I send them my blessing and wishes of happiness. If it is with bad intention, I think that is just too childish.

My friends begin to have 'deep meditation' on this matter. It was not a wasted time and effort of meditation. They got it right! I can see eye too eye with them in this matter. They view about marriage, love and even death. It is such a mature thoughts and views.

Friends around me were bug with love bugs, it doesn't matter they are heading a right or wrong direction, the question now is, why is it that I am not in a situation as they are in? Am I abnormal? I have not experience any brain cracking boy girl relationship issues as theirs. Or........ I am senseless?

No! I am not! My answer is simple. I surrender it to God. God writes the script and He directs, I act it out. God the director, me the actor. Wouldn't a movie look messy without a proper story line? Worst still when there is no one to guide. I had a few impromptu sketches. I must say that it was absolutely hilarious. However, imagine when you screen it on a cinema. The audience will start to mock, curse and swear for the inferior quality of the movie. Nonsense! So, same goes with me. Why would I want to live a life full of mocking, cursing and swearing where in fact I can have one that I am sure under God's proper guidance, will produce a much better quality? I realized that the only way to get rid of unnecessary boy girl relationship problems or thoughts is to get your relationship right with God. When we understand the Father's hearts, we know what pleases Him and what displease Him. It is never easy to fully understand our heavenly Father due to lack of knowledge in us. But it is not impossible, our Father loves us up to the point of sacrificing His own son on the cross. So do you think He will leave us alone in confusion? No. As long as we search Him wholeheartedly, he will reveal Himself to us.

With this, I dare to say that I totally count on God to direct my life. Especially in this particular area of relationship where many questions, uncertainty, doubts and confusion come into place.

God, I'll let you write the script and direct me.






p/s: I am not in an emo state. As I said this is a lab report. Please do not make any wrongful assumptions.

April's fool

"Sherene can you help me to pick up my eraser?"
"Ok, where?"
"There!"
"Where got?"
"April's fool!"

=.="

I got fooled!

What will you do when you are under stressed?
Looking back, the moment where I am stressed out, the first thing I do was to EAT!!!
Effect: put on weight? Yes, tremendously, in form 3.
After eating, comes yelling, sleeps and bathes.

Where is the part for work out? None!
Where is the part where I cast my burden on the Lord? Not that easy!

Why am I fooling myself? I have many ways to de-stress. Why it that I choose to hurt myself? Making myself look ugly? Giving people a bad outlook about me? Allowing the feeling of stress to get over me? And moving downwards, and down, and down, and down.......

As the day of crucifixion is approaching, what does Jesus do? Eats, yells, sleeps and bathes like me? He didn't. He went to a place called Gethsemane, with his disciples. Taking Peter, James and John with him, he fell to his knees and prayed. Crying to God our Father, to remove the sorrow to the point of death and to be able to fulfill his will.

Such a great example has been laid down before me. Why am I hardening my heart to even bother it? Why am I still living in bondage of stress when I have the freedom to live a stress-free live? Why! Why! Why!

I want to get myself out of it!

My friend told me that the word "stressed", if spelling backwardly, it spells "desserts". The greater the stress, the sweeter the desserts!

I'd rather get some cool, tasty, colorful desserts than getting fat, yells, sleeps and bathes for nothing.

1Pe 5:7 Casting all your care upon him; for he careth for you.

See you soon, my beloved!

14th of March (Friday)
I feel homesick!!! I want go home!!! Oh, there will be a public holiday next thursday!!! Cool!!!

19th of March (Wednesday)
I wanna go home tomorrow!!! Really homesick!!! I've never felt this way before!!!

20th of March (Thursday)
I expect the bus terminal to be packed because today is a public holiday. I am wrong! Not many people are there. I easily got a ticket home. Normally, I will get stuck for at least 2 hours in Seremban bus terminal. But today, I managed to reach home in 2 hours time. I felt overjoy!!! That was the minimum time for traveling I can achieve. I thanked God for the nice and safe trip today. =)

12:30 pm. Welcome me back to my house. Rest. Eat (Mummy cooked special asam laksa maggi mee). Next, eat some more!!! Lots of chocolate in the refrigerator!

Approximately 2:30 pm. A black car stopped outside my house. Don't worry, it was my cousin who fetched my aunty back from hospital la.... My aunty was admitted to ICU few days ago for blood transfusion. I don't think that was all, must be another more serious problem that made my cousin sent my aunty to hospital. I opened the gate. Next the car's door. I saw my aunty, sitting down almost lifelessly, and is very very much thinner than before. I called “Yellow!!!" (yellow=hello) She opened her eyes a lil to look at me. Then closed her eyes again. She was extremely weak! No strength to even walk! The maid carried her out from the car and put her on the wheelchair. Put her on the bed, she slept. Don't even have the strength to talk. How heart breaking am I!!!

21th of March (Friday)
I looked into the room where my aunty always sleeps in. She was not there. I asked mummy " Akor leh?" (Where is anuty?) Mummy answered " Yi ki mak kor eh chu liao" (She went to her sister's house.)I thought I can talk to her since I come back only once in a few weeks. Now I could not.

22nd of March (Saturday)
8.00 am. I have event to attend today. No choice! Have to go back Nilai. I sat in the train, waiting for the train to move, to Nilai. Suddenly, my phone rang.

Papa: " Halo, where are you?"
Me:" In the train, waiting for the train to move. "
Papa:" Sherene, can come back? "
Me, without asking why said:" ok. "
Papa:" You know what happen already ar? "
Me:" Har? I don't know. What happen? "
Papa:" Akor passed away already. "
Me:" HAR? O, OK. "

Stunned. I know this will someday happen, but... I walk out the train. Walk back to bus terminal. Travel to Malacca again. *sad*

11:00 am. Reached Malacca. I called papa. " The bus passed Alor Gajah's way. Will reach bus station in half an hour time. "

11:30 am. Called again. "Papa, I reached bus station already." Papa answered. "We are buying coffin. Can you take a bus to mak kor's house?" I answered "ok." Sky was covered with dark and thick cloud. I felt a lil gloomy. I managed to catch a bus just in time before the bus leave.

12:30 am. I reached my destination after a long journey. Walk into mak kor's house. There is 2 rows of sofa filled with my relatives, they gave me a sad look and they have 'red eyes'! I walk towards the room where my aunty was lying. She is covered with blanket from head to toes. I removed the blanket, to look at her with tears in my heart. A strong feeling of sadness gushed out within me. I hold my tears, telling myself not to cry. My aunty made my sisters and me promise not to cry when she died. Twice, in these 5 years time. She said that is it a temporary departure, we will meet again in heaven, so there is no need to cry.

1:30 pm. Caretakers arrived. They carried my aunty's body to the van with a stretcher. Suddenly, a loud wail can be heard from this house. My aunts and nieces, they can't help it but to cry. My heart was torn into pieces.

I asked another aunt how she dies. She said "As usual, mak kor cleaned her up in the morning. After talking to her for a while, she went to kitchen to stir the porridge. When she returned, akor like that already." I want to thank God that she died peacefully.


24th of March (Monday)
Last and final service start at 1:00 pm. We sang some songs and continued with gospel message by elder Wong. Then, my cousin, Marcus who is my aunty only son gave a speech. As he delivered his most affectionate speech, many relatives began to shed tears. He is a non-Christian. Unbelievably, he said this "I believe that my mom is now with God, where she had puts her faith in the Lord Jesus Christ." A non-Christian saying this? And even saying out the name of our Savior in public? Praise God people!!!

2:30 pm. It was raining cats and dogs when we departed from the rites hall. But our God is again merciful by granting us a fine weather. A lil drizzling though. We sang 2 hymns. The first, "Safe in the arms of Jesus". "Amazing grace" as requested by my cousin. There was a great downpour at the Cheng Christian Cemetery. My grievances overshadowed my voice. I could not sing. My aunty's remains is lowered down to the ground.

3:00 pm. Rush to bus station immediately after the whole thing ended. I cannot afford to miss class for one more day. Emotionally unstable!

Summary (thanks for your patient in reading grandmother story)

God has been good, towards my aunty and during her funeral. He puts everything into place, a perfect plan for everyone. The gospel was being preached for the whole 2 nights of service. I hope the message will sink down deeply in my relatives' heart and mind, and also friends and neighbors who are present.

My aunty has a grandma figure. My sisters and me started sleeping together with her ever since kindergarten till secondary school, where my cousin got married and they moved out. She is the one that consoled us when we got scolded from parents. She is the only close relative of mine who is in the Lord. After this I have less one person on earth that I can actually fall on to. The one that I can tell everything to.

Will miss you akor... ... I know you will be happy and safe in arms of Jesus.

Skeptical

What Sherene Tan Yin Xyn Means

You are the total package - suave, sexy, smart, and strong. You have the whole world under your spell, and you can influence almost everyone you know. You don't always resist your urges to crush the weak. Just remember, they don't have as much going for them as you do. You are truly an original person. You have amazing ideas, and the power to carry them out. Success comes rather easily for you... especially in business and academia. Some people find you to be selfish and a bit overbearing. You're a strong person. You are friendly, charming, and warm. You get along with almost everyone. You work hard not to rock the boat. Your easy going attitude brings people together. At times, you can be a little flaky and irresponsible. But for the important things, you pull it together. You are wild, crazy, and a huge rebel. You're always up to something. You have a ton of energy, and most people can't handle you. You're very intense. You definitely are a handful, and you're likely to get in trouble. But your kind of trouble is a lot of fun. You are very intuitive and wise. You understand the world better than most people. You also have a very active imagination. You often get carried away with your thoughts. You are prone to a little paranoia and jealousy. You sometimes go overboard in interpreting signals. You are a seeker. You often find yourself restless - and you have a lot of questions about life. You tend to travel often, to fairly random locations. You're most comfortable when you're far away from home. You are quite passionate and easily tempted. Your impulses sometimes get you into trouble. You are usually the best at everything ... you strive for perfection. You are confident, authoritative, and aggressive. You have the classic "Type A" personality. You are a free spirit, and you resent anyone who tries to fence you in. You are unpredictable, adventurous, and always a little surprising. You may miss out by not settling down, but you're too busy having fun to care. You tend to be pretty tightly wound. It's easy to get you excited... which can be a good or bad thing. You have a lot of enthusiasm, but it fades rather quickly. You don't stick with any one thing for very long. You have the drive to accomplish a lot in a short amount of time. Your biggest problem is making sure you finish the projects you start. You are incredibly sexy and sensual. You have a naughty vibe that no one can ignore. You have an unquenchable desire. And you are unrestrained in your passions. You have a tendency to be unfaithful. Whether you fight it or give in to it is up to you.

What's Your Name's Hidden Meaning?

Just for the sake of updating. Do not be carried away by such superstitious thingy. By the way, can anyone tell me what does sherene means?